Yortsayt (Year's Time - Year's Remembrance): From Sadness to Knowing

Yortsayt (Year's Time - Year's Remembrance): From Sadness to Knowing I. The Ache Last year at this time I sat, looking at you as you slept your last sleep. I told the hospice nurse that I wished I could keep you as you slept for a few more days. She said it would be cruel. II. The Journey In this year I have lived your various lives as I thought and channeled you - singer, daughter, mom. I never did bring you grandchildren. III. The Seeing The Yortsayt candle burns in the dining room. In its neat, small flame I see you dancing on the apartment roof and I see you playing the piano at meetings, smiling your gracious charm across the room. IV. The Seeing - 2 I see you in bed as you left, and I feel you in and around me as you travel. I give my own secular prayer to the candle, in Yiddish, the language women used when they were forbidden from Hebrew: "Eybiker ru, ober alemol mit undz." "Eternal rest, but always with us." You are still with me. This the candle tells. With me, in me. V. The Knowing At Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, I will apologize for my mistakes ask your forgiveness and wear the brown dress with autumn trim that you insist on, even now. You always have excellent taste in clothes.